Allegation
For years, a nation was told that six feet was the difference between “science” and “selfishness.” The rule was treated like a law of physics, delivered with the emotional subtlety of a fire alarm. Question it and you were guilty of the usual crimes: misinformation, wrongthink, and insufficient piety toward laminated floor decals.
Evidence Tampering
- A number with the confidence of a theorem and the documentation of a rumor.
- Enforcement that oscillated between total certainty and total randomness, depending on who had a badge and a clipboard.
- Public messaging that treated tradeoffs as heresy, then quietly reversed itself without apology, audit, or refund.
Hooligan Findings
Conclusion: Mostly Narrative, Lightly Science.
If you want rules people will trust, you need something better than vibes stapled to authority. “Because we said so” is not a dataset. It’s an HR memo wearing a lab coat.
Recommended Sentence
Issue a retroactive citation for Abuse of Scientific Tone (First Degree) and require the responsible parties to explain, in plain English, what the rule was supposed to accomplish, how it would be measured, and what would falsify it. If the answer is “we can’t,” the policy is officially reclassified as performance art.